Lone Town Doctor identifies last weekend’s charity ball as ground zero for April’s superspreader event – The Betoota Advocate



Residents of Betoota are struggling to get a doctor’s appointment this week as the town struggles to cope with a rapid wave of Pangolins Kiss.

With several residents calling in sick at work and a long queue outside the medical office in Betoota Heights South, it is understood that the remote town’s GP, Dr Kenneth Milligan, is ready for a busy week so that he is trying to manage an overbooked schedule.

After quickly diagnosing eight different patients before morning tea, all of whom had clear flu-like symptoms, the lawyer understands that Dr Milligan concluded that last weekend’s Dance for Dementia charity ball has become ground zero for a superspreader event.

“Yes, there’s no doubt about it, I’ve had around 30 people come through my practice this morning and they’re all showing the same symptoms.”

“They have headaches, coughs and sore feet after their six-hour marathon of dancing and joking with this big band that played classic motown, funk and soul non-stop.”

“Half of them are still whistling ‘Boogie Wonderland’ between weird coughs.”

After spending his morning trying to negotiate with a waiting room full of patients, Dr Milligan said the lawyer he planned to implement some rather innovative measures to eliminate the backlog of infected locals.

“I think I may have to set up a drive-thru diagnostic tent on the football oval, so people can keep driving through, I’ll sign their prepared medical certificate and we can all get on with our day.”

“90% of the city is stung, so I haven’t had any dramas wrapped up yet, my only stress is that my wife was on the catering committee, so I’ll probably do that by the end of the week as well. ”

“Anyway, I just hope it clears up before next month’s ‘Hip Hop 4 the Homeless’ event, everyone in town loves a charity ball and a chance to let loose afterwards the year we had!”.


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